I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
