my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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