yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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