we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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