Pappa wants mamma naked
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
