she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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