it wasn't lemon gatorade
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
