I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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