i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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