Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
