So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
