it hurts more in the daytime
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
