I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think I just sharted jello shots
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