Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
