i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
