Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
