I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
