We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
