god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
