i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
