im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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