I swear she didn't look like that last week.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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