I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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