So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
