id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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