just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
