1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
