i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
