I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
