When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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