Your dad touched me again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
