I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
