Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just cut my nipple shaving
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
