Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
