My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bring me that man meat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
