im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
