I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
