Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
