Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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