everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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