we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
