he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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