apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
