Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
