And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
