I got chris browned last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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