I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
