I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
