So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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