i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
