My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
