is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
