Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
