maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
